If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
