dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
