I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we should paint friendship bongs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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