Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
