I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
