our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
