batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
