the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
