it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
