well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
