my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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