my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
