I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
