Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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