Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
