i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
