literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize