im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
