He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
