but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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