the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
