I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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