she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
