Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
