are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
