i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
