This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
