I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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