She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
