Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
