Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
