i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
