Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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