What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
