Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
