i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
