Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
