She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
