My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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