took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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