btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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