Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
