You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
