well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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