I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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