I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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