I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
