i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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