when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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