the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
