K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
