i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
