I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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