Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
