I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
