it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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