only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
