Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
