gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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