Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
