I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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